5 LESSONS I LEARNED WHILE I WAS ADMITTED IN THE HOSPITAL

Monday morning. VERY early morning… A feeling in my gut woke me up and I thought I needed to answer nature’s call by going to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and… toiled, toiled as much as I could to get rid of every bit of unhygienic “stuff” from my gut. It could have been a normal and perfectly habitual activity of a normal person with perfectly habitual, uh, habits… only that during those times, it was not normal and was not perfectly habitual. I was letting out my food’s remnants (badly, I tell you) not only from my underside, but also from my mouth via nausea or vomiting. And, I was already beyond 30 minutes in the bathroom.

Seeing that their first-aid treatment (banyos kag tsaa) was neither mitigating nor alleviating my situation, my parents decided to call for a cab and have their dehydrated and weakened (ahem) son admitted to the hospital. The specialists finally had me know that I had amoebiasis and UTI.

I think I got them either from the teensy-weensy oysters (sisi) I ate during Sunday lunch (and I only had three; THREE TINY OYSTERS, I TELL YOU!!!), or the kangkong I had during Sunday dinner (my father theorized that there might be traces of fertilizer from the aforementioned veggie… blech), or both.

SO, WHAT DID I LEARN WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL? Well…

LESSON #5: At the moment it is attached to you, IV fluid will be your constant companion throughout your stay in the hospital… even in the bathroom.

LESSON #4: Hospital food is not the worst thing in the world… IT CAN BE BOTH THE WORST AND SUCKIEST THING YOU’VE EVER EXPERIENCED GASTRONOMICALLY. (although I frankly don’t have anything against hospital cafeteria personnel)

LESSON #3: Do not panic when blood comes out and comes into your peripheral and direct vision. I’ve seen it being drawn out of my arm for testing, and saw it flowing out into my IV tube for a bit (kay namuwersa ko).

LESSON #2: The sight and feel of touching your “by-products” (if you catch my drift) is repulsing and downright disgusting indeed. However, if your specialist needs samples for analysis, just do like what Mike Rowe does in “Dirty Jobs” on Discovery Channel (I had cable while I was confined) and extract them into those little plastic cups (with the lids) that they give you, for goodness’s sakes. I mean it. It’s for your own good.

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Staying in that sanctuary for convalescence may not be (overly) bad, despite missing valuable class sessions, sacrificing some comforts (a.k.a. dairy and fried stuff) for the sake of speedy recovery and adding to one's general expenditures (kamahal man sang bulong). I know you don’t want to experience what I experienced in those two and a half days (and beyond). Hence, aside from proper hand-washing, hygiene maintenance, healthy diet, adequate rest and beneficially productive physical activity, just follow what I’m going to do (most of all)…

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LESSON #1:

INDI NA ‘KO LIWAT MAGKAON SISI UKON TALABA! BWISET!!! ARRRGH!!!!!! >_<

Good luck, godspeed, God bless! :D